Impossible. Pick a single great scene from this movie? No way. I found the script here. The Writer’s Guild Top 101 Screenplays poll has Dr. Strangelove landing at #12 all time. To put that in perspective, in the history of movies only Annie Hall and Some Like It Hot rate above it for comedies. It’s #1 for Black Comedies and if you know me, Good Reader, you know I’m all about black comedy. Black comedy being thought comedy, a comedy that makes you consider the human condition. Unlike more commercial broad comedies like The Hangover or Bad Moms or Bad Anything in the title, black comedy wants to leave you with something a bit grander for stakes than a few bored Moms decide to rediscover their party animal side.
Like Strangelove stakes. Like thermonuclear war. Cold War commentary to the max. But not didactic. Like making American Psycho funny…now that is a different take!
Let’s look over some scenes from the script with accompanying movie clips, starting with the incomparable Peter Sellers attempting to be straight man to the insane General Sterling Hayden who has a thing about precious bodily fluids.
Apologies for the scrunching up of dialogue, I tried my best but it won’t reformat!
- PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS
MANDRAKE
(salutes)
General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her
Majesty’s Air Force, it is my clear duty,
under the present circumstances, to issue
the recall code, upon my own authority,
and bring back the wing. If you’ll excuse
me sir. Mandrake tries all exits and finds
them locked I’m afraid sir, I must ask you
for the key and the recall code. Have you
got them handy sir?
RIPPER
I told you to take it easy, Group Captain.
There’s nothing anybody can do about this
thing now. I’m the only person who knows
the three letter code group.
MANDRAKE
(voice cracking)
Then I must insist, sir, that you give
them to me.
Ripper lifts a folder off of his desk and tosses it aside,
revealing a blued, pearl handled .45 automatic.
MANDRAKE
Do I take it, sir, that you are
threatening a brother officer with a gun?
RIPPER
Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to
you that while we’re chatting here so
enjoyably, a decision is being made by the
President and the Joint Chiefs in the war
room at the Pentagon. And when they
realize there is no possibility of
recalling the wing, there will be only one
course of action open: total committment.
Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenzo once
said about war?
MANDRAKE
No. I don’t think I do sir, no.
RIPPER
He said war was to important to be left to
the Generals. When he said that, fifty
years ago, he might have been right. But
today, war is too important to be left to
politicians. They have neither the time,
the raining, nor the inclination for
strategic thought. I can no longer sit
back and allow Communist infiltration,
Communist indoctrination, communist
subversion, and the international
Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify
all of our precious bodily fluids.
- HELLO, DIMITRI!
After President Muffley scolds General Turgidson with the classic “no fighting in the War Room” scene, he settles down to tell the Russian President that the Wing of bombers is on the way to destroy his country. In a movie like FAIL SAFE, that’s straight drama. Here, it’s a monlogue of comic genius:
MUFFLEY
Hello? Hello, Dimitri? Listen, I can’t
hear too well, do you suppose you could
turn the music down just a little? Oh,
that’s much better. Yes. Fine, I can hear
you now, Dimitri. Clear and plain and
coming through fine. I’m coming through
fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then as you
say we’re both coming through fine. Good.
Well it’s good that you’re fine and I’m
fine. I agree with you. It’s great to be
fine.
(laughs)
Now then Dimitri. You know how we’ve
always talked about the possibility of
something going wrong with the bomb. The
bomb, Dimitri. The hydrogen bomb. Well now
what happened is, one of our base
commanders, he had a sort of, well he went
a little funny in the head. You know. Just
a little… funny. And uh, he went and did
a silly thing.
(listens)
Well, I’ll tell you what he did, he
ordered his planes… to attack your
country.
(listens)
Well let me finish, Dimitri. Let me
finish, Dimitri.
(listens)
Well, listen, how do you think I feel
about it? Can you imagine how I feel about
it, Dimitri? Why do you think I’m calling
you? Just to say hello?
(listens)
Of course I like to speak to you. Of
course I like to say hello. Not now, but
any time, Dimitri. I’m just calling up to
tell you something terrible has happened.
(listens)
It’s a friendly call. Of course it’s a
friendly call. Listen, if it wasn’t
friendly, … you probably wouldn’t have
even got it. They will not reach their
targets for at least another hour.
(listens)
I am… I am positive, Dimitri.
- ANSWERING TO THE COCA-COLA COMPANY
GUANO
You want to talk to the president of the
United States?
MANDRAKE
I don’t want to talk to him, Colonel, I’ve
got to talk to him. And I can assure you,
if you don’t put that gun away and stop
this stupid nonsense, the court of inquiry
on this’ll give you such a pranging,
you’ll be lucky if you end up wearing the
uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!
GUANO
OK. Go ahead. Try and get the President of
the United States on the phone.
Mandrake enters phone booth and closes the door. Guano pushes
it back open.
GUANO
If you try any preversions in there I’ll
blow your head off.
Mandrake places coins in the slot and dials.
MANDRAKE
Operator? This is Group Captain Lionel
Mandrake, I’m speaking from Burpleson Air
Force Base. Look, something very urgent
has come up and I want you to place an
emergency person to person call with
President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon,
Washington D.C. Aaaa… Burpleson3-9180.
No, I’m perfectly serious, operator, the
President, yes the President of the United
States. I’m sorry, I haven’t got enough
change. Um, could you… could you make
this a collect call, operator?
Mandrake waits on the call to be placed while Guano looks on.
MANDRAKE
Just one second, operator.
(to Guano)
They won’t accept the call. Have you got
fifty-five cents?
GUANO
Well, you don’t think I’d go into combat
with loose change in my pocket, do you?
MANDRAKE
Operator, look, ah… is it possible to
make this an ordinary… ordinary trunk
call? Well, what do you call it… you
know, ah…
(raps on phone box with
knuckles)
… oh, ah… station to station.
(counts change in his
palm)
Oh, blast. Still twenty cents short.
Operator, hold on one… ah… I shan’t
keep you a second.
(to Guano)
Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine, I want
you to shoot the lock off it. There may be
some change in there.
GUANO
That’s private property.
MANDRAKE
(exasperated)
Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is
going to happen to you, your frame,
outlook, way of life and everything, when
they learn that you have obstructed a
telephone call to the President of the
United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it
off! Shoot! With the gun! That’s what the
bullets are for, you twit!
GUANO
OK. I’m gonna get your money for you. But
if you don’t get the President of the
Unites States on that phone, you know
what’s going to happen to you?
MANDRAKE
What?
GUANO
You’re going to have to answer to the
Coca-Cola Company.
Turns to the Coke machine and fires into it. Change spills from
the coin return slot. As Guano bends to collect it, coke
streams from a bullet hole and showers his face.
- SLIM PICKINS RIDES IT ON HOME
Iconic image, iconic scene. Write something like this, you’ll be remember 100 years from now…
BOMBARDIER
Roger. Ah… still negative function. The
teleflex drive cable must be sheared away.
KONG
Fire the explosive bolts!
BOMBARDIER
Roger. Um… still negative, sir. The
operating circuits are dead, sir.
KONG
Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I’m going down
below to see what I can do.
CO-PILOT
Roger.
KONG
(to DSO and Bombardier)
Stay on the bomb run boys. I’m goin’ to
get them doors open if it hare lips
everybody on Bear Creek.
(proceeds through hatch to
bomb bay)
Kong studies a sparking tangle of wires above a suspended bomb,
and then climbs atop the it, fanning the sparks with his
stetson
NAVIGATOR
Target orange grid reference, checks.
Target distance, eight miles.
CO-PILOT
Roger, eight miles. Telemetric guidance
computer into orange grid.
BOMBARDIER
Telemetric guidance computer into orange
grid.
NAVIGATOR
Target distance, seven miles. Correct
track indicator, minus seven.
CO-PILOT
Roger. Seven miles. Set GPI acceleration
factor.
BOMBARDIER
GPI diversion factor set.
NAVIGATOR
Target distance, six miles.
CO-PILOT
Roger. Six miles. False ident transponder
active.
BOMBARDIER
False ident transponder active.
NAVIGATOR
Target distance, five miles.
CO-PILOT
Five miles. Bundling alignment factor zero
mode.
BOMBARDIER
Bundling alignment factor to zero mode.
NAVIGATOR
Target distance, four miles.
CO-PILOT
Roger. Four miles. Auto CDC into manual
teleflex link.
BOMBARDIER
Auto CDC is to manual teleflex link.
NAVIGATOR
Target distance, three miles.
CO-PILOT
Roger. Three miles.
NAVIGATOR
Target in sight. Where in hell is Major
Kong?
Kong busily works to splice two wires together. He finishes and
then attaches an alligator clip to a patch panel above his
head. The bomb doors open. He grabs his stetson to keep it from
blowing away in the sudden slipstream.
KONG
Aaaaaa hooooo! Aaaaaaaa hooooo!
The bomb is dropped, and Kong along with it
BOMBARDIER
Hey, what about Major Kong?
KONG
Aaaaaa hoooo! Waaaaa hooooo!
Kong rides the bomb in its falling arc waving his hat over his
head, celebrating his success in ecstatic rodeo style. On
reaching the ground, the bomb detonates.
Comment *i can’t come up – well ,,, so quickly .. – with any better ( dialogue ) script-writing for sort-of any movie ,,, well there are some contenders in the film-noir section : SamSpade , Marlowe , and quite a few other Bogey-characters , and – certainly – for TV-series , Not Only English ones , but Dr. Strangelove is really a Masterpiece by Kubrick and his fellow scripter(s) , and an absolute delight to follow the audio as well as the images !!!
– and STILL RELEVANT more than half a century laterer – Not Really THÁT Fortunately … !!!!!!!!!!