I’m an awful person. I have a blog so every now and again I can confess to you, Good Reader. Blog as shrink. Not to tantalize you too much. I won’t be going DARK dark side today, but I will admit to my habit of movie marathoning.
You know what I’m talking about. Get to the theater at noon, pay for the half-price matinee, and stay all day. Three movies minimum, five max.
Oh c’mon, you’ve done it! Or are you the good citizen who actually pays for every movie he sees? In the era of Pirate Bay, what’s the percentage of people who actually pay for every movie they see? 50%? More? Less?
Yeah yeah, I know about Comcast On Demand and Hulu. I know you really don’t have to steal intellectual content and that, in a rather easy argument to make, you really shouldn’t. But that doesn’t, and won’t, stop me. Am I a bad person? Nah, just pragmatic.
I bring a schedule of movies, maybe even a sandwich and drink. It’s going to be a long 10-hour day inside the multiplex, defeats the purpose to buy that six buck popcorn. I check the schedule and make a tentative game plan. For instance: A quick Google search today finds these movies playing at the downtown Chicago AMC 21:
Showtimes for AMC River East 21
322 East Illinois Street, Chicago, IL – (888) 262-4386 – Map
| The Lucky One | 2 reviews | 1hr 41min | PG-13 | Drama | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:15 – 11:35am – 1:00 – 2:20 – 3:45 – 6:30 – 9:15 – 10:35pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Three Stooges | 27 reviews | 1hr 32min | PG | Comedy | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:10am – 12:40 – 3:15 – 5:50 – 7:10 – 8:25 – 10:55pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Hunger Games | 144 reviews | 2hr 22min | PG-13 | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:45am – 2:10 – 3:40 – 5:35 – 7:25 – 9:00 – 10:45pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Think Like a Man | 3 reviews | 2hr 2min | PG-13 | Comedy | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12:30 – 2:00 – 3:30 – 5:00 – 6:30 – 8:00 – 9:30 – 11:00pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Cabin in the Woods | 24 reviews | 1hr 35min | R | Horror | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:30am – 1:00 – 3:30 – 6:00 – 8:30 – 11:00pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Chimpanzee | 1 review | 1hr 18min | G | Documentary | | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:00am – 12:15 – 2:30 – 4:50 – 7:00 – 9:10pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| American Reunion | 28 reviews | 1hr 53min | R | Comedy | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:00am – 12:50 – 3:40 – 6:20 – 9:20pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mirror Mirror | 59 reviews | 1hr 46min | PG | Scifi | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:20am – 1:50 – 4:50 – 7:35 – 10:20pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21 Jump Street | 74 reviews | 1hr 49min | R | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5:05 – 7:55 – 10:45pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Lockout | 14 reviews | 1hr 50min | PG-13 | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:50am – 2:30pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Titanic 3D | 569 reviews | 3hr 14min | PG-13 | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3:45 – 6:00 – 8:15 – 10:15pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wrath of the Titans 3D | 58 reviews | 2hr 0min | PG-13 | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6:15 – 8:55pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Bully | 37 reviews | 1hr 34min | PG-13 | Documentary | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11:00am – 1:40 – 4:20 – 7:00 – 9:40pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Raid: Redemption (Serbuan maut) | 24 reviews | 1hr 41min | R | Action | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9:50pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax 3D | 63 reviews | 1hr 35min | PG | Animation | | Trailer | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10:40am – 1:05 – 3:35pm | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| − Show fewer movies | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
How many movies on this list appeal to you? How many would you pay the full $12 per to see? HUNGER GAMES, sure. CABIN IN THE WOODS, yep, liked Joss Whedon from Toy Story, even Titan AE and Serenity. BULLY, heard good things about it. THE THREE STOOGES, hell yeah, if only for a goof. So, I can pay $48 for these four, or $8 for the matinee of one of them, and see the rest in a marathon. Decisions, decisions! If Professor Pauly made six-figures—or anything even approaching it—he’d pay 100%. But he doesn’t, and I don’t. Is it wrong to marathon? Theoretically, sure. Do I lose much sleep over it? Nah.
If you marathon you know that unless the schedule works out perfectly you’ll have to hang in the bathroom for a minute or two, or duck into a movie like THE LORAX or freakin’ 21 JUMP STREET. That’s cool because if the subject comes up at a party you can think back to the ten minutes of 21 JUMP STREET you saw and in good conscience tell your friends it blew.
In all the years of doing this I was only caught once. It was at the above-mentioned AMC 21 and I was with my marathoning buddy in the john, schedule out a bit too brashly, saying something to the effect of, “SWEENEY TODD at 5:30 or 127 HOURS at 5:40?” He pointed to a guy drying his hands who overheard us. He had a lanyard and AMC 21 badge around his neck. Oops! Playing it cool, we left and moved down the long hall toward 127 HOURS. Up from behind us he came. “You heard me, didn’t you?” He shook yes and out we went. He wished me well and I wished him well and out onto Illinois Street I went. No drama. He’s not paid enough to bust his ass prosecuting or calling cops, I don’t make enough to pay for every movie, but in an ideal world I would. We understood each other. This round to him, the next to me.
Movie marathoning = broke ass life in balance.
