They are making your movie: Yay!
You’ve dreamed of it and now it’s happening.
But you’re wondering… what’s expected of me now? I mean…can you just go down to the set and watch…or what?
I’m not aware of an online etiquette guide for the Writer On Set but somebody should write one.
What an odd relationship the writer has with that which he created. YOU are the God of this world. Or…were.
In a truly curious turn of events, the more successful you were as screenwriter in making this world come to light, the LESS important you become to it when it finally is made into a movie.
God at Script level. Tolerated Tourist in production.
And I got news for ya–that “tolerated” part is even in question.
The Writer On Set in a cliche onto himself. A man without a country. A dude who has brought forth a domain, this whole enterprise, the whole THING only happens because of him! He is the Creator, and he is obsolete.
This is because you, as writer on set, don’t have much of anything to do. Everyone else is working at 1000 miles a minute and you…You’re a tourist, catching glimpses in characters and worlds you know so well—‘cause, ah, you created them. But that was then. This is now. Here, the lowliest PA has more responsibility than you.
Now, let’s understand, this isn’t one size fits all. The writer-on-set of a Studio flick or big budget Indie would certainly be persona non-grata if he/she had been replaced by a second, third, or fifth writer. You wouldn’t be invited down there and it might be misconstrued if you even asked to do so. Just bad manners. I mean, why the fuck would you even want to? You were paid, now go away.
If you’re the current writer of that big-budget Indie they almost certainly want you on set on a contingency basis. That is, should a word or line be needed that the actor or director couldn’t improvise themselves which would be, oh, 95 out of 100 times. Being as it’s the director and/or producer making the calls on which lines get cut or changed, it’s likely they’ll be making calls on the script on set. Still, couldn’t hurt to have you around. Writer-on- Set as insurance policy.
With micro-budget though, that changes. Chances are greater you’ll have more to do if only because you’re also likely to be a producer, and/or director of the project. You’ll be moving 1000 miles an hour wearing THAT hat.
Because it had been over a decade since my previous feature-length, when it came time to make CHAT, I wanted to be on set. Damn it, I wanted to see it made! If that meant being a tourist on my own project, then so be it.
Fortunately, Boris being the director and adult in the room, reasoned that I would need some sort of on-set job to validate my existence among the crew.
Life Lesson 2222: If you want to check out the making of your movie, find an on- set job to validate your existence, otherwise risk being mocked behind your back by the lowliest Production Assistant as the Writer-On-Set, aka being utterly fucking useless.
I was given the role On-Set Photographer. Well, actually 2nd On-Set Photographer. We had already hired a qualified photographer with a 7D camera to take the publicity stills. My shots would be supplementary, more behind-the-scene style to be used for social media campaigns, blogosphere stuff. Because we weren’t paying the pro photographer much of anything, she would only be around for an hour or two every day. That’s where I would come in. I would be on-set much more in terms of hours and could fill in the gap. And yes, I would have a PURPOSE! I would no longer just be the ah, you know…
For the production of CHAT, over the course of two months and 18 12-hour days, I recall two times where the services of the WRITER were actually needed. One time, a camera angle changed, they wouldn’t actually be seeing a computer when the character says “she disappeared into… that thing.” The director looked to me for the answer. Yes, I had a purpose! Now THEY needed ME! I came up with the devastating: “she disappeared…into a computer.” Another time three fills lines were needed for two characters talking before a phone call happened. Conversational stuff, but needed. The director and others looked to me for the lines. OH YEAH, BITCHES! WHO NEEDS WHO NOW! I have a purpose, I muttered, penning the lines like Shakespeare. I had a purpose. Oh yeah.
In the 822 hours between these episodes what I endeavored to do was stay out of the way of those with a job on set.
Life Lesson 223: Endeavor, Writer-On-Set, to stay the hell out of the way of those with an actual job.
I made myself useful. I’d help the PA’s carry in and set up steaming trays of pasta. I did my best to lay off the bite-size Snickers so some worthy grip or gaffer could have the chocolate goody. I could have been selfish and eaten all of those bite-size Snickers, sitting around waiting for some damn set up at 4 in the morning, but no!
I also took on the humble but necessary role of COFFEE BITCH. I would make runs to Starbucks for our iron-man DP Fred Miller, for Boris and crew actually making my movie happen. Hell yeah, I was happy to go. I picked up the tab, too. These people are making your movie happen. Don’t be a pain in the ass, Writer, chip in where you can.
Don’t be a diva pain in the ass either, suggesting shots to the director you saw in your head. I had those nasty thoughts on several occasions and did my best to NOT pull Boris away and whisper in his ear. Making even a couple of these suggestions as the writer to the full crew and actors as the shot is happening…will pretty much guarantee you get bounced from your own set, even on a micro-budget.
Find a quiet place on the wall between the sound recordist and the boom mic guy. Make yourself small. Get out of everyone’s way. If the Script Supervisor gives you a nasty look as you crowd her at the monitor, don’t take it to heart. If you’re in the way of the Art Department folks who are moving couches, don’t mutter and apologize—damn it, get in there and lend a hand! If they need to control street traffic for an exterior shot but no PA’s are available, move your ass down the end of the street and control that traffic! Even if it means you don’t get to see the scene you woke up at 3am to see? Yes, his Lordship! This is micro-budget! All hands on board!
Life Lesson 62A: Put down the damn bite-sized Snickers and help the people who are making your movie come to life!
